White is Right. Right?

Sandra Fu

At least that's what Midwestern clothier Abercrombie & Fitch thinks. Wait a minute -- did I just give them credit for thinking? It's something I'll be sure never to do again.

If you happened into an Abercrombie & Fitch store anytime between Friday Apr. 12 and Wednesday Apr. 17, you may have had the opportunity to view a short-lived graphic-T series that the Asian-American public demanded be yanked from the shelves for containing some of the most racist depictions imaginable. And as a member of their targeted race, I have to say I was pretty offended. But I'll let you be the judge.

No ticky, no washy! Abercrombie and Fitch's foray into racial sensitivity has so far been a smashing failure.

One shirt bears the slogan "Wong Brothers Laundry Service, Two Wongs Can Make It White," featuring two stereotypical Asian figures replete with slanted eyes, ricepicker hats and exaggerated grins, with a jaunty thumbs-up thrown in at no extra cost.

They must have worked overtime to be that creatively offensive. I mean, we're talking taking turns painting their faces black while eating fried chicken and watermelon, maybe donning a feather headdress while slugging down some whiskey and growing a two-foot beard to better strap some explosives beneath -- you know, to help them get a better understanding of how minorities must live.

Kudos. Hard work guys. Meanwhile every brain cell in the room decided their owners weren't worthy and committed suicide. A wise choice -- "Always abandon a sinking ship" was the motto of my dog-eating, laundry-working Chinese grandfather. That and "ancient Chinese secret." Indeed, I had thought that the days of Calgon commercials were long past, but how wrong I was. But then again -- white is right, after all. Come on, say it with me, people: "White is right!"

While we're on the subject, let's take a moment to think -- something A&F didn't do, judging by the massive boycotts and protests plaguing both their stores and their doomed shirt line -- how the phrase "Two Wongs Can Make It White" can be interpreted, how the word "white" functions in the sentence. And simply because there were too many offensive shirts to cover -- such as "Pizza Dojo. Eat in or Wok Out. We Love You Long Time," featuring A&F's oh-so-clever wordplay ("Wok Out." Get it?) and equally sensitive reference to Asian prostitutes -- I'll restrict my analysis to the "Wong Brothers."

Hey, guys, what's all the fuss about? "The thought was that everyone would love them, especially the Asian community," Carney explained. And you still have a job? (AP photo)

First, the only way A&F could have cleverly floated the phrase -- otherwise this half-assed concept never would have made it past the brainstorming stage -- is as a pun or double entendre, similar to the horny ones that fill all of their t-shirts, with the term "white" connoting cleanliness. And that's only if you want your clothes like A&F wants it models: bleached.

Let's take a closer look. A&F's play on the word "white" can be interpreted as something good, something desirable -- to be this color, or actually, to lack color, is the primary objective. Ergo, A&F wants -- or figures its consumers want -- to get to that state. It is also there for all who are capable to see that Asians -- who to my knowledge have zero representation in A&F's advertising, with only a few light-skinned blacks thrown in as token minorities -- can become "white" by wearing their clothes.

So, calling all Asians who secretly wished that they were white -- you can now fulfill your desire by donning shirts that denigrate your people. Makes sense to me.

I know there may be those who accuse me of excessive analysis, that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But given our current polarized political and racial climate, would it really hurt people to try and understand the possibly harmful consequences tied to the limited scope of their thinking? In a country that elected a president who believes people "misunderestimate" him (his word, not mine), could challenging the intellect be such a lamentable task?

I didn't think so.

When I learned of A&F's snafu, I did some research on the net and, at the day's beginning, my search engines could only locate three or four articles. By end of that same day, the list was enormous. Granted, most of them were derived from the same two AP articles, but they were there all the same. Sadly, I'm afraid all of this publicity will only increase A&F's sales, but I'm still proud of Asian-Americans for standing up to the pervasive racism -- and ignorance -- still coursing through the American corporate complex.

Other entries in the "cheeky" Asian genre. Isn't "We love you long time" a copyright infringement?

"We are truly and deeply sorry we've offended people," company spokesman Hampton Carney lamely told the Associated Press on a day his office was inundated with complaints. "We never single out any one group to poke fun at. We poke fun at everybody, from women to flight attendants to baggage handlers, to football coaches, to Irish-Americans to snow skiers. There's really no group we haven't teased."

Cue the laugh track.

No one with the brain of a heavily tested lab rat could miss Carney's causal correlation between "pok[ing] fun" at people and "offend[ing]" them. To say that you "poke fun at everybody" besides the primary targets, your consumers -- frat boys, sorority girls and trend-slave teens who without thinking equate so-called irreverence with cool -- is to say that you make fun of everyone but yourselves.

If A&F were a multiculturally conscious brand, such as Triple Five Soul or United Colors of Benneton then maybe, just maybe, they could justify their racist content as one of provocation, one that is specifically posited to interrogate stereotypes. But they're about as far away from destroying stereotypes as Asians are to enjoying them. Which doesn't explain Carney's further ludicrous rationale for the shirt line.

Sign of the times? "If you believe Carney's explanation that 'the shirts were designed to appeal to young Asian shoppers with a sense of humor,' then I've got a sweatshop in Malaysia to sell you." (AP photo)

"The thought was that everyone would love them, especially the Asian community [the jaw-drop italics are mine]. We thought they were cheeky, irreverent and funny and everyone would love them," Carney explained as he laughed into his keg of Bud.

Did I already ask to have the laugh track cued?

The aptly named Carney thought that Asian-Americans would find "Two Wongs Can Make it White" cheeky and irreverent? Maybe if they, like A&F, weren't thinking. True, many Asian immigrants were launderers about a hundred years ago, but many because they and other immigrants were only permitted to join a few professions so as not to enjoy financial and social profits that were hoarded by their xenophobic Caucasian counterparts. Let's follow A&F's illogic. Since, thousands of Asian immigrants also labored and died as railroad workers -- and were "paid" a few pennies above slavery by their robber baron employers -- where is A&F's "Gee, why don't I just pay you to rape me!" t-shirt?

Hit the graphic artists, A&F! There's your next cleverly phrased slogan. It's yours. I won't even accept royalties.

Unlike all the consumers -- Asian or otherwise -- that may have bought this inane shirt, none would be forced to choose their profession from a list more limited than A&F's foresight. Nowadays, all of them can choose to become whatever they possess the determination to become. Not so for the Chinese immigrants of the past, a "Yellow Peril" so disturbing to racist whiteys of the time that the American government even passed an act excluding immigration from the country.

MORE Morphizm

"I think that there's been a lot of difficulty in defining what is American, what is considered American. There's a lot of difficulty with acceptance within our community of foreignness at this time."

"But at the time it was as if he had announced to the whole world that I was wearing a training bra. So I turned around and delivered a swift kick to his crotch."

"How is it that our media has convinced women to envy one another while encouraging men to ogle the T&A that graces their magazine covers? I want equality. I want justice. I want scantily clad, gorgeous men on my magazine covers."

"My father's side of the family had the good fortune to be on the route of the first missionaries bringing Christianity to Korea, so we jumped on the Jesus bandwagon before it got all crowded with Buddhist poseurs..."

"Some women may find it useful to support their upper body by propping their hands or forearms on their knees. Once properly positioned go ahead and let loose the stream."

Carney's pathetic argument that A&F "pokes fun" at other "groups" fails on every possible count, the most glaring being that he lumps the racial/cultural distinction, Asian-American, into professions such as waitress, taxi driver, football coach, flight attendant, snow skier and baggage handler. And if you believe Carney's equally preposterous explanation that "the shirts were designed to appeal to young Asian shoppers with a sense of humor," then I've got a sweatshop in Malaysia to sell you. Once you consider that Asian-Americans account for only around 4% of the general population, it would be beyond laughable to think that A&F would ever see a return on an investment in so slim a piece -- armed with their sense of humor, of course -- of that consumer pie.

Let's face facts: this company is based in the Midwest, and there are lots and lots of white people out there. Does A&F actually mean for us to believe that they had no thought that white people might want to buy these shirts, ones that would have been sold in stores throughout the country, as well as their company Web site?

Far from it.

Judging by his foot-in-mouth rationale, Carney obviously assumes that the public -- including the "cheeky" Asian-Americans he asserts A&F is courting -- is ignorant enough to buy his lie, that in fact everyone except those Asian-Americans are going to be the majority of people wearing this shirt. Indeed, no white person possessed of the slightest racial sensitivity that I know of would be caught dead wearing this shirt, if only for fear of being perceived as a racist.

Contrary to all of his half-hearted apologies and claims of unintentional offense -- wake me up when he shuts up, will you? -- both Carney and A&F's language and logic dictates that this racist fashion statement was very much intentional and the corporation isn't sorry in the least.