Why is this man smiling? He never wins. (Photo: Wikipedia)

[by Amy Bass]

I have no right to hate him, as I've never actually met him.  For all I know, he's perfectly lovely.  He seems perfectly lovely, to be sure.  A complete gentleman on the court. 

But each year at the Championships at Wimbledon, he does the same damn thing:  he raises the hopes of all of Britain.  Each year, the British tennis masses sit on Henman Hill, heads and bodies adorned with various executions of the Union Jack, hands holding their cups of strawberries and cream, eyes fixed on the jumbo screen that shows the man whom they believe will give them a homegrown Wimbledon champion.

And each year it seems that this might be it – that Tim is playing in brilliant form, readying himself to make it to victory on the last Sunday, holding a shiny silver platter over his head on Centre Court.

And then he loses.  Quite often, quite badly.

This year seemed particularly ridiculous.  On one television channel, I watched as Tony Blair stepped down from his office of Prime Minister, bowing with as much grace as he could muster in light of his self-realization that he could no longer wield any power over the people who had elected him.  If only such an act could become a global trend.

On another channel, I found Henman locked in a fifth set battle against Carlos Moya, having apparently no ability to see that he no longer held any power.

When you're dead, lie down.

But not Tim.  Each year, we American viewers are told by an ever judicious Dick Enberg that the hopes and dreams of the English are with this “young” man.  Yet I think it isn't entirely preposterous to think that Enberg might have a better shot at winning Wimbledon at this point than Henman does.

But damn if Henman didn't prove me wrong, and finally beat Moya, 13-11.  Yes, that's right, 13-11.  Because you can't have a tiebreak in a Grant Slam fifth set.  So Henman, in usual fashion, got to string along his faithful hill-sitting followers for what seemed like an eternity.

Only to go on to lose to Feliciano Lopez.

Oh well.  Maybe next year.  But in the meantime, is there no one else in England who would like to learn how to play tennis at this point?

Andy Murray:  England is calling, and it is completely willing to overlook the fact that you're Scottish.

July 2, 2007