How I spent my summer vacation. "I say, 'America great country!' 'No, no,' he say, big smile, 'this not America.'

by Ross Levine

Monday:
Today very happy day. Big lieutenant come to my cell, look very mean, open the door. I thought help me, Allah, he going to kill me. And then, can you believe? He smile and say to me, “Ahmed, you like dance?” I so surprised! I afraid say no, what if I hurt his feelings and he beat me? So I say, yes, I dance, of course! So then, he very shy, and we stand there doing nothing, and I think, no music -- to dance need music -- so I say, “music!” and he make big smile again and talk loud to guard in hallway, “turn more sound the radio!” Now we hear nice music and lieutenant come more close, take hand, touch shoulder, and we begin to dancing. At first, I very embarrassed, other prisoners watching, making faces, laughing – but I think, better than beating, better than wear leash and barking like dog, so I dance, too, I make in my head lieutenant beautiful woman (sorry, Allah!) -- close my eyes and dance, dance, dance – he good dancer, no jump on feet, very – how do you say? -- like butterfly! I forget he is man, I am man, and we dance everywhere, down hallway, into mess hall, we dance, dance, dance, until so tired – then he come real close, put arm around to me, hold very hard, talk in my ear like secret: “Ahmed,” he say, “are you terrorist?” I say to his ear, “We dancing tomorrow? I tell you.” He make smile, and say, “we dancing tomorrow, yes!”

Now nighttime, I no sleep. Funny feeling, like nervous. No can explain.

Tuesday:
Lieutenant no come today. Feel very sad. Sergeant come. I no like. He come in cell, carry big bag. Then open bag, take out dress, woman shoes, woman stockings, big hair to put on head, even covering for breasts. He say, “Ahmed, put this on! Everything!” I say, “But this is for woman!” He say, “No questions, put on!” Then he have hand like fist, to hit me if I no do what he say. What can I do, Allah? I must do. I first make myself naked, then take clothes for woman and put on me. I take dress, very nice, soft like silk, I put this on. No fit perfect, only so so – me little bit fat – but look nice. Then stockings, very hard put on, legs too much hair. Then shoes, very small, hurt to my feet, but I do it. Last thing I put hair to my head. No good, keep fall off. Sergeant take from mouth chewing gum, put on my head, then I put hair, it no fall! Then sergeant say, “You walk in prison, everyone see you!” I feel very ashame, but no choice, I go. Not easy walk in woman shoes. But I do it. Other prisoners, they laugh, they throw me things, they make whistle. Very embarrass! But then, there is window, I look glass, I see myself. And you know, very attractive I think. Not too bad woman. I feel little better. I walk, I show breasts, I move this way, that way, I make like sexy. Now everybody still laugh, make whistle, but different. I no ashame, I proud! Sergeant mad, take everything for woman away!

Now nighttime, I no sleep again.

Wednesday:
Today Lieutenant no come again, Sergeant come. He come with many soldier, all womans. He look very mad, say, "Take off clothes!" I say, "But womans..." He say, "Take off clothes, Terrorist! Now!" Allah, I can do nothing -- I no listen they kill me. I take off clothes. Womans watch, they laugh. Laugh laugh. Then they touch on me. Kiss on me. Put the blood of womans on me! Oh, Allah, so terrible! Then just happen, no my fault. My -- how you say "zibbi"? -- "snake of the man" -- grow very big, like tree! Womans no more laugh. Very quiet, only looking. Sergeant very mad. He tell womans, "Go away!" Womans don't want go, but Sergeant say again, “GO!” and they go. Then Sergeant takes from belt gray tape. He hold my zibbi, put tape round and round. No feel so bad. He say, "Now you have big zibbi all the time, Terrorist!" Sergeant go away, but no smart. Ten minutes zibbi small again, tape come off, no problem, thank you, Allah.

Thursday:
Lieutenant come back. Uniform nice, very handsome. He want dance again. I say OK. Allah, how I say no? He has radio, make music, we dance. Music quiet, romantic. He close to me, say, "Ahmed, tell me truth. You terrorist?" I say, "Me? No terrorist. I love United States !" He very mad: "No more dancing!" I say, "No, no. Please -- yes, me terrorist! Me terrorist!" He very happy, me very happy. We dance more. One hour, two hour. Very fun.

I sleep good.

Friday:
Lieutenant no come back. Sergeant come. He has dog rope for me again. He put on my neck. He say, "Ahmed, you are dog! You walk four feet like dog! Now!" Allah, I am sorry one thousand times. If I no be like dog, he kill me. I go on floor, make sound like dog, make nose smell everything, put leg up to air and make water on wall. Everybody laugh. I like this -- I make people laugh. I want sergeant put tape on zibbi again, so I hold leg of Sergeant, make like happy dog. Sergeant say, "Down, dog, down!" Pull rope hard. I make scream. He say, "You are terrorist dog!" I make bad noise, show my tooths. Water fall from my mouth. Sergeant afraid, run away, everybody laugh. Maybe not so bad be dog.

Saturday:
Sergeant come back today. He bring holy Koran. He tell me – oh, Allah, forgive to me, just to think such a thing – he tell to me – how I say this? – he say, “Ahmed, you make the dirty business on holy book!” I say, “No, no, this I no do – never! You shoot me, I no do that!” He take the gun, say, “Do it or I kill you!” Then he throw holy Koran on floor. I almost crying. “No, no, please,” I say, “please no make me do this!” He show gun. I very afraid. Then lieutenant come. He see sergeant, he see holy book, he say to sergeant, “You go! Ahmed my prisoner! Go!” Sergeant mad but go away. Lieutenant pick up Koran, say to me, “Sorry,” then he say, “You want to dance?” I say, “Yes, very much, thank you.” We dance, dance, dance.

Sunday:
Big Senator come. He say, “Let me to talk to prisoner.” He come in my cell, ask me, “What is name?” “Ahmed,” I say. “Ahmed,” he say, “you very unhappy? They no treat you good? You torture?” I say, “Torture? No, no, no. Very happy. This wonderful place. Every day surprise." He say, “You very sure?” I say, “Very sure, Senator. You want dance?” He look me funny. "I no understand," he say. "Very simple," I say. "Little music, take hand, touch shoulder, one, two, three, one, two, three -- you like?" "I like!" he say, "praise Jesus!" "Praise, Allah!" I say, " America great country!" "No, no," he say, big smile, "this not America ." "No America ?" I say. "No," he say, "in America , you never have so much fun!"

21 July 05

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