Calculating risk. "Standard-issue bag is $1500; “relaxed fit” body bags for tall or portly soldiers start at $1950."

[by Tom McNichol]

The Department of Defense has billed hundreds of battle-wounded soldiers for debts incurred while serving in Iraq , demanding reimbursement for errors in pay and for equipment left on the battlefield, according to an investigation by the Government Accountability Office. Far from being a “mistake” by a heartless runaway bureaucracy, the billing policy is actually part of a super-secret Pentagon plan dubbed Operation Desert Cash, meant to defray the costs of the billion-dollar a day war by making soldiers start paying their fair share. Here are some of the other items soldiers now have to pay for under the new Pentagon policy:

Body Armor. $3,500 for standard protective armor, $9,500 for deluxe “head to toe” protection. 18-month waiting list.

Umpire's Chest Protector. For those on the 18-month waiting list for body armor. Foam-filled chest protectors available in black or blue, $175.

Combat Headgear. Standard-issue army baseball cap still free. “Hardened” headgear made of durable “plastic” or “vinyl” starts at $150.

Combat boots. $50 surcharge for unusually large boots, Men's size 7 and up.

Ammunition. $1200 for each rocket-propelled grenade fired. Charge may be waived if grenade leads to the killing or capture of one of the 1,602,618 enemy combatants currently identified by the U.S. Department of Defense as an Al Qaeda “second lieutenant.”

Dog tags. Standard dog tags still issued free of charge, but soldiers may now choose from a variety of personalized “vanity tags” for $100-300, depending on the length of message. Among the most popular vanity tags so far are ones reading RUMMYSUX, FCKBUSH, ARMYSUX, GAYFLYBOY, FCKIRAQ and DONTASKDONTTELL.

Computer Access. $12.99 a month for unlimited high-speed Internet access. New soldiers only. $12.99/mo is a 12-month promotional rate upon the successful completion of an online order by eligible soldiers with an ongoing rate of $29.99/mo after the promotional term. If you drop a required component of the qualifying bundle, you will revert to the applicable non-promotional rate for high-speed Internet. $150-$200 additional charge will apply if technician install is required or desired. $99 early termination fee.

Gasoline. Billed at U.S. market rates. Current prices: $3.45 a gallon for regular, $3.89 a gallon for Humvee High Test.

Psychological Counseling. Fees based on prevailing rates for psychologists in the Washington D.C. area. Current rate: $150 for a one-hour counseling session, which lasts exactly 50 minutes.

May 1, 2006

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