(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Kobe as Jordan? Try Scottie Pippen First

by Scott Thill

It feels like you've contracted one of those airborne sicknesses in the movie, Outbreak. And it's been spreading like wildfire ever since the immortal Michael Jordan returned to the NBA. It poisons the minds of sportswriters and ratings-hungry NBA execs, reducing them to zombies who haunt the courts and offices of pro hoops, eternally asking one question:

Who is the next Michael Jordan?

Before and after Jordan retired, scribes and scrubs alike lined up -- and still do -- to crown a host of talented yet unworthy descendants, from the ludicrous (where is Harold "Baby Jordan" Miner these days anyway?), to the similar (the highly marketable but oft-injured Grant Hill) and the obvious (high-flying ex-Tar Heel, Vince Carter). But just like most of his foes, Jordan's next-in-lines have all been relegated to the dustbin of pro basketball history.

For awhile there, some writers got smarter, conceding that there would never be another Jordan, so why bother talking about it. But once the 2002 NBA playoffs hit the airwaves and arenas, all it took was some good games from another talented guard, this time in the form of Kobe Bryant, scoring at will and helping his team into the next round for the virus to take hold again. To wit (watch out, this stuff is highly contagious):

Wait, we're losing? That's impossible! I'm the next Jordan! "'Just think what Bryant would try if he didn't have Shaquille O'Neal as a teammate,' a caption on Wiley's story reads." (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Sports Illustrated's Jack McCallum: "His boundless talent, timing and bravado haven't been seen since -- well, since you know who -- and it is no longer a stretch to compare the 23-year-old Bryant to No. 23."

ESPN's Ralph Wiley: "All Jordan's people can do now is quote scoring averages of Jordan and Kobe at the same age. Otherwise, Kobe is ahead. Maybe even miles ahead. We haven't seen what Kobe Bryant might become. We can't imagine."

Shaun Powell, Newsday: "Bryant demonstrated how to take over a playoff game down the stretch. He brushed off a lousy shooting day like dandruff and carried the Lakers to victory in the final 90 seconds. His bravura performance invoked the name 'Michael Jordan' for many."

I hope that if you haven't got a fever by now, you've at least got the picture.

One thing these afflicted souls seem to forget is the Incredible Hulk that haunts opposing NBA centers' dreams like bad food: Shaquille O'Neal. In fact, the clever Wiley tried to turn the tables and imply that Shaq is merely holding Kobe back from being the mega-star he could be -- "Just think what Bryant would try if he didn't have Shaquille O'Neal as a teammate," a caption on his story reads.

Now THAT's a game face! "Ruben Patterson calls himself the Kobe Stopper; who ever called himself the Jordan Stopper?" (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

And although Kobe's been wearing that "Next" nametag around his neck since he came into the league, Shaq's presence throughout the Lakers' championship years has been far from chopped liver. Kobe logged 19.9, 22.5, and 28.5 ppg to Shaq's 26.3, 29.7, and 28.7 ppg from 1998 through 2001, numbers that don't exactly make you stand up and blink twice.

Meanwhile, Shaq -- who finished with an NBA second-best 27.2 ppg (behind Allen Iverson) in the regular season -- gets to play second fiddle to yet another in a line of guards that, while electrifying, are unfairly canonized over his head.

Let's not forget O'Neal was selected in 1996 as one of the 50 Greatest Players in pro hoops history, is a two-time finals MVP after leading the Lakers to back-to-back finals victories, was voted the 1999-2000 MVP, is now a four-time All-NBA First Team selection, a nine-time All-Star selection, a two-time regular-season scoring champion, and has led the league in field-goal percentage five times. Add that to the fact that no one has ever been able to convincingly outscore, guard or even defend him since he came into the league. That seems like a resume more deserving of Jordan talk than this one: a one-time All-NBA First Team selection, no season MVPs, 1999-2000 All-NBA Second Team selection, two-time NBA All-Defensive First Team selection, and, uh, no Finals MVPs.

You gotta look sharp. "If guard-heavy squads were blessed with the sheer dumb luck of Shaq's disappearance, the Lakers' lines at Vegas would drop faster than 2001's NASDAQ." (REUTERS/Pascal Deschamps)

And if those stats look slimmer than they should be -- which they probably are -- I got them off of the Lakers official site. Evidently, even they aren't worried about keeping up on current Kobe events. And that's just stats; forget the things -- like sheer lane-clogging size, for one -- that don't show up on the stat sheet.

Look, I'm a numbers guy, a hoops realist. Which means I can tell that when one of the greatest centers in the history of the NBA attracts 90 percent of the opposition's attention, defense, and energy, other guys on the team, talented or not, are going to get more looks, less attention, and easier breaks than if he all of a sudden disappeared.

Let me offer four more points: Cartwright, Purdue, Longley, and Wennington. Remember them? No? Those were only some of the scrub centers that comprised Jordan's supporting cast during his six championship runs. I wouldn't be surprised if their cumulative career ppg equaled half of Kobe's -- during his first year in the league.

More Morphizm

"It's more than hypocritical to see everyone from sportswriters to Tyson himself finally hand over the heavyweight props to the baddest Rastafarian on the planet, Lennox Lewis.

"Without further ado, a pic-by-pic rendering of Tszyu's demolition and Zab Judah's incoherent defense of his knucklehead outburst."

"Jesse Ventura referred to Bud Selig's case as 'asinine,' as Selig pretzeled himself into a full nelson and pleaded to be treated unlike any other American business."

"The noble contribution to baseball by an ingenious man -- his name long misplaced -- has been victim of an Oliver Stone sized cover-up for the better part of the last decade."

Let's get serious here: If guard-heavy squads like the Mavs, the Kings, hell, even the Nets were blessed with the sheer dumb luck of Shaq's sudden disappearance, the Lakers' lines at Las Vegas would drop faster than 2001's NASDAQ. No, numbers fans should really chew on these digits: 20 ppg, 6 rpg, 6 apg. Those were Scottie Pippen's numbers -- more or less identical to Kobe's save in the (all-important?) points department -- while he played second fiddle to Jordan's second run at the threepeat. Ruben Patterson calls himself the Kobe Stopper; who ever called himself the Jordan Stopper?

Better yet, who calls himself the Shaq Stopper? That's right, no one.

Some perspective is needed here. Look at the numbers and watch the action (all of it, please) on the court. Watch how the defenses collapse not on Kobe but Shaq. Take a look at how Kobe, according to his own coach, passed on defending Mike Bibby's game-winner in the all-important game five loss to the Kings.

But most of all, watch the mercury on that thermometer sportswriters carry in their mouths. Because once it climbs over 100, they'll start saying the craziest things.

21 May 02

Scott Thill -- a media fanatic who finds the time to write on everything that does not include the words "boy band" -- is a gainfully employed dotcom editor currently finishing his first novel, The Dangerous Perhaps.