THE QUOTE: "I'm furious that innocent life was lost. However, through my fury, even though I am mad, I still believe peace is possible."

BUZZ TERMS/TALLY : "Anger", "fury", "furious", "mad" -- A whopping four in two sentences.

COLLEGE LESSON NOT LEARNED: Less is more.

THE TRANSLATION: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this kind of thing happens every day over there, doesn't it? So stop bothering me. I'm trying to figure out how to kill Saddam Hussein without screwing things up that much more in your sorry region. And to take everyone's mind off of how cushy I was with Enron. Did I say Enron?

THE SOLUTION: Avoid repetition. Saying something once can have more of an impact. Then again, if you're hurting for words, try not saying anything at all.


THE QUOTE: "There's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us. There's no doubt he can't stand us. After all, this is a guy that tried to kill my dad at one time." -- President Bush, speaking of Saddam Hussein.

BUZZ TERMS/TALLY : "doubt", "hatred", "directed", "kill" -- Not bad. Four words spells out the whole problem: doubt and hatred directed at someone will indeed kill them.

COLLEGE LESSON NOT LEARNED: Don't make it personal.

THE TRANSLATION: Ok, I'm not doing so well here at home. I've got friends who are crooks, ones who used to ship chemicals off to Iraq -- when we didn't like Iran -- and ones in the derivatives sector that could use a massive boost after Enron crashed. Plus, we can't find that freaking bin Laden guy. Dad, help me out here. What's that? You left a mess in Iraq? Wait a minute! If I clean up your mess then they'll forget about my mess, and then . . .

THE SOLUTION: Acknowledge diversity of perspective. Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda killed many fathers on 9/11. At least George the Former is still alive. Maybe we ought to make sure this $6 billion-a-month war is worth the price tag and lost fathers before we sign off on it.


 


 

 

Mark Crispin Miller's Bush Dyslexicon is not only the de facto cultural study of GDub's linguistic blunders, but it's also now available in paperback. Stop watching CNN and Fox and start reading it. And for a sobering look at the cycles of war, pride and idiocy -- and its mediation -- check out the absurdist, Oscar-winning No Man's Land. You'll never see ethnic separatism the same way again.

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"Word comes that brother Cat Stevens refuses to lend his support to our virtuous jihad. May this turncoat's Peace Train be laden with explosives and rammed into the Mountain of Mohammed, peace be upon him. "


"America embodies mimetic relations of rivalry. The ideology of free enterprise makes of them an absolute solution. Effective, but explosive. Competitive relations are excellent if you come out of it the winner. But if the winners are always the same then, one day, the losers overturn the game table."

Ashcroft's refusal to spearhead the investigation might seem like an honorable deferral but it is closer to an admittance of failure than anything else, as well as a clever way to separate himself from Enron's rampant corruption.